A Novel Approach to Habit Change

“You are very regimented.” Someone said this to me one time.  It did NOT feel like a compliment. The comment made me think of my dad and his army ways. Socks rolled just so, shirts pressed to within an inch of their lives. Regimented.

Of course, I have rituals. Everyone has rituals. Habits. The brain LOVES habits. Habits reduce cognitive load. Reducing cognitive load conserves energy. The human body, above all else, CONSERVES ENERGY.  Thousands of pieces of data and hundreds of decisions bombard the human brain daily. Without rituals, or habits….REGIMENTATION, no one would get to work on time. The brain would be overwhelmed and shut down. Just think of the last time you were overwhelmed. Work was crazy, kids were sick, toilet paper ran out (WHAATTT!!! My mother would be appalled)….exhaustion hits. It takes energy to make decisions. Habits conserve energy and get us through the day.

BUT…..What happens when you want to CHANGE a habit? There are tons of habit-change books. I’ve read quite a few of them. And they are not wrong. It does help to habit stack, have an accountability buddy, and start small. However, unless you ask the MOST important question, habit change is over by about March 1.

What are you getting out of your CURRENT habit?

That’s the real sauce of change. Let’s say your New Year’s resolution is to eat better. Whatever “eat better” means to you.  Maybe you want to give up your afternoon M&M habit or stop pouring tequila on your Cheerios. Habit change is PERSONAL. Whatever you want to change, I say, “Yes to you!”   

Ask yourself, “What am I getting out of this habit?”  Why does your brain love M&M’s at lunch or Tequila at breakfast?

What about the afternoon M&M habit? I chose this because I have this habit, as many of us do at my workplace.😊. Personally, I am not trying to change it, but the question is still important:

What do I get out of this habit?

I get to leave my office and walk over to the container, so it’s a break from work. The container is in a busy area, so, it’s a connection with co-workers, maybe a quick chat or a laugh. And of course, the raison d’etre, SUGAR which equals DOPAMINE. It’s a lot of dopamine hits if you read carefully:

1. Quick Walk
2. Perhaps a joke or a laugh
3. Most definitely a connection with a colleague
4. PLUS sugar

So…if I were trying to change this habit (which I AM NOT) I need an alternative dopamine hit. Maybe a longer walk? OR go outside and walk. Perhaps a colleague will walk with me? I still get the connection and the laugh without the sugar.

See what I’m doing here? I am NOT shaming myself or beating myself up for having a “bad” habit. Habits are neutral until your brain decides they are not.

(EXAMPLE: “She’s so disciplined. Going to the gym every day is such a great habit.” Little do they know “she” has a chronic tendonitis she’s supposed to be resting. See? A habit or is NEUTRAL until your brain decides it’s not.)

Have you made a resolution to add a new habit? Ditch an old habit?

Here’s a practice that will improve success:

• Pick only ONE HABIT. All the books and experts agree, one at a time works best. I must agree with this piece of advice. The brain tolerates only so much change before it rebels. And willpower only gets you so far. If you want LASTING change you need to SHRINK the pathway associated with the OLD habit and build a pathway for the new habit. This process takes time and patience. DECIDE that this habit is just something you want to change. It’s not BAD (or GOOD), it just IS and you don’t want it anymore.

• Write it out.  “Every day I _______ when _______ .” Notice the time of day, and the activity immediately before. Write down feelings that come up both before and after. Take a breath. You are human. EVERYONE DOES THIS! If we didn’t have habits, we would have chaos. The brain likes order.

• Answer the question: “What does my brain get out of this habit?” Maybe you are trying to wind down or relax after a long day. Maybe you are trying to avoid feeling X or Y. Maybe you have been doing this habit so long you don’t even KNOW when it started. This is your time to take a non-judgmental look.

• “Will the new habit help me with THIS?”  This question is SO IMPORTANT! Your brain needs to believe that the new habit will help you relax just as much as the old. If the answer is a HARD NO, there is work to be done: Examining thoughts and Processing feelings are the two most likely activities you will need for this change to stick.  

Be kind to yourself. Just because a thought comes up doesn’t mean it’s true. Developing new habits takes time and patience

If you want to learn more about how the brain changes, heck out my article in Brainz magazine about dendrites and brain growth. 

Need help with habit change?  Coaching is a great way to have an accountability buddy and a person nudging you to stick with it. Coaching can help uncover the thoughts and beliefs that have kept you “stuck” in an old habit. Click the link below to book your first free call and get started with habit change that sticks!