I came home a few days ago to the dog looking…remorseful? Do dogs have remorse?
He used yarn that was certainly NOT his as a chew toy (Yes, he has a stash of yarn. He prefers independent dyers if you must know.) I gave him THE LOOK. He immediately went to his crate, put his head down, and continued to look remorseful. On cue, I felt bad (WHY?). We talked it out and I forgave him (obviously). And then…he was over it. Just over it. Back to his happy-go-lucky self. I would estimate he engaged in about five minutes of remorse, and then HE GOT OVER IT. His baseline is happy, energetic, and ready to play. He was back to his baseline in five minutes. And that’s the thing about dogs. They easily return to baseline – barking wildly at the Amazon truck. Ten seconds, back to baseline. Sad that my oldest returned to college. Twenty minutes, back to baseline. Lost toy under the couch. Gave up looking and got another, 5 seconds.
How about you? What is your baseline? How long does it take you to return to your baseline after an argument or some bad news? Of course, some things take time to process and I’m not suggesting that when your dog dies you “get over it” in ten seconds. But some things….do they deserve the real estate you are giving them in your head? That patient or customer yelled at you because you were there, not because it was your fault. That person who cut you off in traffic. Your mom giving you the millionth guilt trip for not coming over on Christmas Eve. How much time are you giving these “micro-stresses” – as some authors call them? How much brain real estate are you renting out for free?
More importantly, is all the extra time you spend spinning in an emotion you don’t need or want helping you?
I used to be BIG into rumination. I could THINK my way out ANYTHING.
What is my point here? Marinating in negative emotions does not help. Emotions are vibrations in the body. We often conjure them from thoughts. That is why thought work is so important. Better thoughts = more positive emotions. Not all the time. But many times, we make our own misery AND expand it. By hanging onto a bad emotion, a negative interaction, or a complaint someone leveled in your direction you are creating your own misery.
What to do? Become a dog? Honestly, I’d like to re-incarnate as my daughter’s dog. That way I’d be spoiled AND I could keep an eye on her 😊. But since I’m planning on being around for a while, I have a better idea. Learn to recognize, allow, and process feelings. Feelings aren’t facts (a mind-blowing and foreign teaching from Al-Anon). I used to wonder, “If they aren’t facts then what are they?” I had no baseline for understanding, allowing, or processing feelings. Growing up feelings were stuffed. “I’ll give you something to cry about.” As an adult? Now what?
BREATH. RELAX. FEEL. WATCH. ALLOW.
I learned this practice many years ago during yoga teacher training. At the time I did not understand the importance of allowing a feeling. Feelings you stuff will find a way out. The next time you have an extreme urge to eat something you KNOW is going to give you a stomach ache….that’s a feeling trying to find its way out.
Here is the practice and I also have a video walking you through it. Processing feelings will help you feel, well, more like you. Negative feelings we ignore hi-jack our curiosity, empathy, and patience. Let’s get you back to you.
THE PRACTICE
Breathe: Take a full breath or two. Preferably with eyes closed and through the nose with the mouth closed. Allow the belly to be full
Relax: As you exhale allow the jaw, shoulders, and hands to relax. Notice anyplace else in your body that is tense and relax.
Feel: Notice the feeling. Where is it in the body? Does it have color? Texture?
Watch: Observe this feeling like you would watch a bird outside. Notice from afar without engaging with it.
Allow: Allow the feeling to expand and contract. Sometimes this part is uncomfortable – but trust me it won’t last. The more you fight it, the longer it lasts 😊.
You can use the VIDEO if you would like me to guide you through this process.
Let me know how it goes.
Want to know more…
I’m a life coach for stressed-out healthcare workers. Here’s a LINK to book your first call (it’s free). I can talk you through this practice and several easy stress management techniques. Don’t let negative feelings hi-jack your ability to be present and spread your healing vibes.
Emotion can be the enemy, if you give into your emotion, you lose yourself. You must be at one with your emotions because the body always follows the mind.
–Bruce Lee
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