Don’t Let Emotions Hijack your Day

Has this ever happened to you? You are dreading something, worried, frustrated.  But it just doesn’t make sense. Why am I so worried about THIS or so anxious about THAT? Most people don’t question these feelings, but instead chalk them up to “intuition” (See last week’s BLOG on intuition). I hear people call it “confirmation bias.” That is, your brain is looking for negativity. But it’s so much more than a simple bias.

Your hippocampus contains the memories of EVERYTHING.

The conscious brain cannot possibly remember EVERYTHING! Every experience, every date, every emotion. Not possible. However, EVERYTHING is stored in the hippocampus. And these memories are associated with emotion. Why? Because the hippocampus and the amygdala are best friends. The amygdala infuses everything we see, hear, feel, and think with emotion. THEN, the hippocampus creates a memory file.

For example. Let’s say you went camping when you were five. A spider got into the tent and scared the heck out of you. NOW you associate the scent of a tent, the sounds of the campground with the feeling of anxiety. Trying to figure out why you hate camping? Head into the files of your hippocampus. The obvious thing here is to forever dislike and fear spiders, right? Or never go camping again (sounds good to me!) But there is SO MUCH more to our memory. AND, we have very little control of the filing system of the hippocampus. BUT you can dissociate the terrible feeling from the memory!  That’s right, every time you unpack a memory, you layer on different meanings, different emotions. So, if you like, you can change the emotional “charge” of memory. That way no more freak outs over spiders. The brain, she’s a funny, funny lady (or man of course).

Here’s the rub. The only way to know if your current emotional state is “correct” for the situation is to pause -take stock- and ask yourself. Sometimes it might take a minute to identify when you started feeling this way about a situation or activity. Then YOU get to decide to keep the emotional charge or change it for a calmer, more peaceful you.

Here’s a short practice to get you started:

• PAUSE: The next time you find yourself upset or anxious, angry, frustrated, PAUSE.
• BREATHE: If you can, close your eyes. Either with eyes open or closed: Breathe – Take a full breath in through your nose with the eyes closed
• FEEL: Notice the feeling, use words to name it, try to locate it in the body and put your hand over.
• WATCH: Watch the feeling from a place of neutrality.  Be curious. “Hmmm…what is this feeling? Where is it coming from?”
• ASK: “Is the strength of this feeling APPROPRIATE for THIS situation?” It’s a question, not a judgement. If the answer is yes: ALLOW. Allow the feeling to move through your body. It will take no more than 90 seconds. If it lasts longer than 90 seconds, you are adding thoughts (a story) and prolonging the feeling. In that case, perhaps the answer is “NO.”  Most often a feeling is TOO BIG for the current situation. That means the hippocampus and amygdala have teamed up to hijack your calm.
• What comes next is up to you. Allow this inappropriate feeling to hijack your brain. Do some breath work or grounding practices to work through it. Journal about where this mis-matched feeling might have come from. Hire a coach to help you work through it.

Here are a few links to get you started:

Breath-Relax-Feel-Watch-Allow

How to Process a Feeling

HAPPY SEPTEMBER! IT’S COACHING SPECIAL TIME!!

6 SESSIONS for $600 in SEPTEMBER!

Ready to stop fearing spiders once and for all? Or better yet, ready to stop feeling anxious every time you see an email from your boss or your grown kid or your ex? Let’s go. We can deconstruct and re-wire in six sessions. You’ll be feeling calmer, stronger and better able the whirlwind that starts in September ends in Christmas!