Humans are Weird

“Humanity is so weird. If we’re not laughing, we’re crying or running for our lives because monsters are trying to eat us. And they don’t even have to be real monsters. They could be the ones we make up in our heads.” 

 -Lucy, Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune, pg. 158

Spot on, Lucy, spot on. Humanity is weird. And the monsters we make up in our heads? Those are the WORST.

And we are always laughing or crying. But Why?

My theory? Sometimes it’s a struggle to identify the FEELING.  I once heard a coach say that all feelings could be categorized into four possibilities:

SAD-MAD-GLAD-BAD

I think that works when you’re 7, but at 50 (ish). I’m not sure about that!

What is a feeling anyway? It’s a VIBRATION in the body. That’s it. That’s all, folks. Feelings aren’t FACTS! (WHAAT???  🤯🤯). Feelings are vibrations meant to last 90 SECONDS! That’s it.

Soooo…when you find yourself MARINATING in Anger or Shame or Guilt (because let’s be real, no one marinates in Gratitude or Happiness) YOU are perpetuating the feeling with THOUGHTS.

Nothing makes a feeling last forever like a brain in rumination. And the modern human brain?

RUMINATION NINJA 🥷

 The problem? Modern brains THINK (aka: Ruminate) and expect THINKING to solve the “problem.”  I invite you to CHANGE the THOUGHT, which will change the feeling. MAGIC.

Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it. – Albert Einstein

 Or, as Arthur C. Clarke said, “Magic is just science we don’t understand yet.” 

Changing a thought to change a feeling feels like magic at first. As you get better at it, it will resonate like science:

• Reliable
• Repeatable
• Useful

Here’s an example.  If you follow me, you know my youngest just finished undergrad. I attended graduation, and  “tended” the garden of anxiety for WEEKS beforehand. How? You know how. I started with the thought, “A weekend with my ex-husband, oh joy.” Then I moved on to, “His wife is going to be with him, and I will be alone.” (Not true as I had my oldest daughter as my date, but see how my brain conveniently left that FACT out?).  Other thoughts I entertained? “I need a new dress that won’t make me look fat.” (Love that one). “My nails look like poo.” And here’s a good one: “What is wrong with me that I’m still single?”

The result of all these wonderful, uplifting, positive thoughts: Anxiety, fear, and frustration. These would be the BAD and MAD categories 😊

Luckily, I have some wonderful coaches in my life, amazing tools to process feelings, and an awareness of my power to create my life.

I got coached Friday morning before we left, woke up early Saturday to exercise and walk, brought my healthy breakfast food with me, journaled, and of course, lots of breath work. And guess what? I did not DIE.  We had a great time. What was different? MY THOUGHTS. That’s it. MY THOUGHTS

Let me offer you suggestions for the next time you find yourself CREATING YOUR OWN CATASTROPHE.  

How to Go from Rumination to Reflection

1. RECOGNIZE: Notice the NON-STOP thoughts. You talk about it to friends. It’s keeping you up at night. You are SEARCHING for A SOLUTION. There is AN ANSWER! THEN: Do a thought download. Get a pen and paper, find a quiet place, and write it down. Everything. Just write and write. This assignment will not be graded or collected 😊  Pick one of the thoughts that comes up over and over.

• FEEL: When you think THAT thought, HOW DO YOU FEEL? Here is a link to a FEELING WHEEL if you have trouble identifying feelings.  It’s this feeling that you are avoiding. Ironically, your thoughts are perpetuating it. So, identification is the beginning of the End.

• PROCESS the FEELING: What? What is this woman talking about? I know, I get it, processing a feeling was a foreign concept to me, too. I was a NINJA at rumination and STUFFING FEELINGS. Processing seems scary, wrong, and impossible. I promise you can do it. Here is a VIDEO to follow. This is how I process feelings.

Then WHAT?

• DECIDE what you WANT TO FEEL: Yes, you get to decide how to feel about ANYTHING. Problems at work? Kids run amok? Favorite mascara discontinued? Graduation looming? I decided I wanted to feel calm. Notice I didn’t go to rainbows, daisies, and unicorns? Spending time with an ex is never easy. I did not expect myself to be happy ALL WEEKEND. I was happy to see my girl cross that stage (ecstatic is a better term). I was happy to meet her roommates and their parents. But, when I was interacting with my ex, I wanted Peace and calm. That’s all.

• CREATE A THOUGHT BANK: What can I do to cultivate peace and calm? Create a THOUGHT BANK. “I’ve got this.” “He’s just her father, nothing more, nothing less.” “I’m doing great as a parent.” When I first began this practice, I’d put my thought banks on notecards, either post them or carry them around. Then I graduated to notes on my phone. Have a plan!

• ADD ACTIVITY: The brain is wired to process stress and the hormones that accompany stress through MOVEMENT.  Find a movement you enjoy. Allow the brain to settle into the new thought or thoughts.  Here is a BREATHWORK VIDEO to get you started.

Still ruminating? Still feeling anxious? Don’t believe me?

Hire a coach (preferably me 😊)

Why would I hire a coach (that costs money, right? Right 😊) when #1 – 6 are free.

Great question, why would you hire a coach? As a coach, I see the whole problem (or, as my coach put it today, the whole mountain). If we go with the mountain analogy, you are standing on top of your mountain, and there are parts you can’t (or refuse to) see. Parts of the mountain below your feet, parts on the back side, parts you hiked up and immediately forgot about (or put out of your mind). As a neutral party, I observe the mountain from afar. I see all the pieces. That’s the value of coaching –  a neutral look at the mountain that is you. It’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about “unbecoming” what never belonged.

What parts of your mountain are dragging you down right now? Let’s explore together.

Book a FREE CALL here, let me know what thought(s) you’re ruminating on and Let’s Go!

Let the brain re-wiring commence! Yes, that’s right, change your thoughts, change your brain.