Is THERE really better than HERE?

Hopefully, you read the Newsletter last week about Dorothy and her shoes (If not here’s a LINK).

As I mentioned last week, it took Dorothy 102 minutes to realize there is no place like home. The bigger lesson here, in my opinion, is that THERE is never BETTER than here.

At the beginning of The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy was running away from home  – with good reason – Miss Gulch (soon to be the Wicked Witch) was messing with her dog. Never mess with a girl’s dog. But then the soon-to-be “Wizard of Oz” talked her into going BACK home. THEN she spent her entire time in Oz wishing she was… HOME. Dorothy dropped her house on someone, stole a pair of shoes and left the country only to find out, THERE is no BETTER THAN HERE.

You know what I’m talking about….

If I lived someplace warmer….if I had a bigger house….If I had different parents, kids… a different partner. Then POOF…magically, “everything” would be better?

Like what? What would better? If you had a bigger/better/different house…you’d still have a house that needed cleaning and upkeep and electricity. If you lived someplace…warmer, better, “nicer” – you’d still have an annoying neighbor and a barking dog nearby. Maybe you’d leave the Northeast and trade snow for termites? “I just need a new relationship.” Because someone else would agree with all your opinions, remember to put the garbage out and NEVER insult your family.

I’m here to tell you, THERE is never better than HERE.  Why? Because where you go, your brain goes. The THOUGHTS that make “here” seem so icky GO WITH YOU. What makes “there” so great even though you have never been? The thoughts you are thinking about there make it “seem” better –but is it?

I don’t know… but I do know changing the CIRCUMSTANCE to make the FEELINGS different is the wrong approach. In Al-anon we call that a “Geographical cure.” Move someplace new and S/he will miraculously stop drinking. Move to someplace warmer and I will miraculously feel happy every day. Get a new job and I will miraculously be more productive and less stressed every day. Buy a new pair of shoes…well, that makes me short-term happy. 😊  But it’s not a long-term solution.

What’s the long-term solution?

Ask yourself:

What’s so bad about HERE? Why don’t I like my house? My job? My location? What is REALLY going on here?

The truth is, here is great….and awful.  Here is beautiful….and ugly. Here is happy…and sad. Because here is where the heart is and here is where you decide your thoughts. You get to DECIDE how to feel about the weather or the house or your partner or your kids. You decide that here is perfect for you right now. And no matter where you are or who you are with, life is 50/50.

So, you want to make a change? New house, new state, new partner. Hell yes! I’m all for it, change is great and can be invigorating. But make a change because you DECIDED that while you love your house or your state or your partner it’s time for YOU to have something different. Don’t make a change because you are SURE that THERE will be better. It won’t.

Need help confronting or identifying icky, sticky thoughts? Book a free call and let’s get started!

“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard. If it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” -Dorothy